I'm such a bad blogger

I seriously used to be so good at this.  Now I just have a hard time coming back to it time and time again.

But the journey continues.  I am finally done jumping through the hoops and I am officially a student.  I start Nursing Assistant classes on Tuesday.  It's not where I REALLY want to be...but it's a start and it will make it so that I am employable.  I desperately need that.

So I hope to jump back in.  :)  Thank you for bearing with me.

One step at a time.

I am working on becoming a medical assistant.  Ok, not working on but WANT to work on.  I have to go through Work Force Services in order to be assessed and find out what funding I qualify for.  So there will be three meetings with an employment counselor.  He does all the assessing and figuring of qualifications.  But in the meanwhile I have called the school and let them know I am interested.


I can go to school HERE for becoming a medical assistant because HERE it's a 1500 hours.  That's fine if I planned on spending the next 2 years here.  I don't.  So I am going to take the courses to become a CNA.  I figure I am still learning great stuff that I can use as a medical assistant.  AND I will be able to work with those letters behind my name.  AND it only takes 90 hours.


One step at a time....continually moving forward.

Welcome new week!

It's Monday!  It's Monday!  I am so happy and grateful for the new week!  All is fresh and clean!  Shiny.  Happy.  Hopeful.  


Let's get this party started!

It's amazing how relaxing it is once I've taken a step.  It doesn't have to be a large step.  Just a step.  In the right direction.  And then I can breathe again.  For today.


It's really an odd feeling being me.  I feel like my kids know more than I do about life.  Seriously.  So I guess I did SOMETHING right while raising them. I'm not sure what that is.  But I must have had SOME influence.  Right?  


I'm 49.  I live with my stepmom with my son.  I am single for the very first time in my life.  (since being a teen)  I have to figure out what I want to do with my life.  I do have an idea of the direction I want to go.  And I am struggling with getting the ball rolling.  But I haven't given up.  

Light under the door.

So I think I MIGHT be seeing light under the door.  An exit to this empty room where my voice echoes back at me.  At least, with that sliver of light, there is a direction I can head.  It may not be where I want to end up...but it's a start.


I was busy driving the "Pity Mobile" around this morning and I decided to text my friend.  This is a very close friend of mine and she has known me for some 15 + years.  Since moving back to Utah she and I have done a few things and stayed in regular contact until a few weeks ago.  So I texted, "Do you still love me?"  To which she replied, "You know I do baby."  Thus started a short text convo that converted to a phone call.  I whined about me being stuck in my life and not exactly knowing what to do.  Me telling her what direction I WANT to head in.  And why the opportunities afforded to me right now just aren't working.  And she opened the door to a different way to get to where I want to go.


Is the sun shining brighter on this overcast cold Fall day?  Because suddenly my world FEELS brighter.  

Let's address the question at hand.

I picture myself in this big, empty room with my voice echoing back at me.  Hello???  How did I get here?  But the bigger question, for me, is how do I get back out of here???


I've had a rough life.  Many, many people in this world have.  But I want to figure out how to make my life the way I want it.  And I want to figure that out before I die.  I'm almost 50.  So I don't have much time left to do that.


I could make many excuses for why and how I am where I am.  But really, does it matter?  I'm still here.  And I still want to change things.  I REALLY want to go to school.  I REALLY want a job.  I REALLY need someone to give me a break and give me a chance.  The current circumstances of my life are just not falling into line with my plans.  So I figure, until things are the way I want them for going to school, I need to have a job.  But I've pretty much been an at home mom my whole life.  In fact, right now, I still have an 11 year old boy at home with me.  This causes time constraints on my availability to work.


So here I sit.  In this big, empty room.  With my voice echoing back at me.  Hello???